Asking questions of the ether

I assume that in days gone by, when people were in pensive moods, or were troubled and alone, they might ask questions of the stars. Carla told me about an interesting broadcast on Radio 4 about the way that insomnia used to be quite a social phenomenon – there would invariably be someone else awake if you couldn’t sleep. I know right now there are millions of people awake, but I can’t contact them directly to chat through what is keeping me awake and sleep the sounder for doing so. Instead, I sit here asking questions of the ether.

How can two people move forward in a relationship when one specific problem keeps rearing its ugly head? When such problems continue to occur, is it possible to simply continue living and loving, or is it an indication of a deep-set incompatibility? How often can one be disappointed by a lover before deciding to cut their losses and retain the bits of their heart that are still intact? How does one reconcile themselves to the fact that love is as much about compromise and accommodation as it is about happiness and compulsion? Is this luxury of questioning why really beneficial?

Whilst I’ve been using this blog to work some things out, there’s no way I can use it to work out a relationship, because the other person is necessarily a part of the resolution – or at least should be. There are so many times that I’ve wished I could simply accept a part of my lover the way he is, but that fact remains that I can’t… which I’m sure is down to the fact that he wasn’t always this way. In times of distress or friction I would often write to him, but it seems that I’ve tried to so many times that I have used up all the words. There seems to be nothing left to say. Still, that’s not as hopeless as it sounds: perhaps there are some things that cannot be solved through words. It’s just much harder for me if that’s true…

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