If I were in the habit of listening to the radio on the odd occasion that sleep eludes me, tonight (this morning?) might be a Farming Today night. My boss, Carla, does have such a habit and it has become an office joke to say “It was a Farming Today night last night” to indicate a bad or disrupted night’s sleep. Sometimes humour is the only way to deal with difficult times. I can’t remember who it was, but someone famous or clever or both said that listening to Farming Today is the best way to keep your finger on the British pulse.
Anyway, I don’t know what it is exactly that is keeping me from sleep. This evening I went to the first private view I’ve been to in quite some time and was reluctant to catch up with most of the people I knew because of that ‘no gig’ feeling – if you have nothing positive or exciting to say about yourself, it’s a bit embarassing. I’m also concerned in that mother hen sort of way about a friend of mine (ours? I’m never sure about the proprietorial etiquette associated with friends you’ve made through your partner) who has had a bit of a crap time lately, which can’t be solved or made better with a big cuddle and/or a plaster.
More broadly than just this evening, I’m in a pickle about work. I have two choices at the moment: I either put up with the many annoyances with my current job (low pay, long hours, an expectation of responsibility that is above and beyond my job description, being on call through my lunch break) in the hope (not guarantee) that I will eventually be rewarded; or, I find another job. The latter sounds appealing, no? However, job searching and application is a tiresome pursuit for someone who has no clear vocation and whose degree is next to useless.
I’d like to say that staring at the screen has induced drowsiness, but it hasn’t. Perhaps it’s time to work on a current job application. As an incentive, I will offer myself a childhood comfort: a glass of milk.