I’ve hit a sticky point in my blogging activity, which I hope may prove to be more of a crossroads than an end point. I seem to have lost momentum (right when I’ve switched my energy to working on Momentum, bu-bum tiss). I’m not sure that I know what this blog is for, or who it’s for, and talking about it only ties my brain in knots. But here’s an interesting observation:
I like blogging because I can simply type what I’m thinking, without having to worry about structure, focus, thematics, voices or anything formal: it’s almost like anything goes, and because of this, I’ve had a fairly regular writing habit. Trouble is, as soon as I start talking about it, it becomes something else, a thing in itself rather than simply a tool (there’s that duplicity again). The more I talk about it, the less confident I am in simply doing it.
Contrast that with the other kinds of writing that I do. I’m also very awkward when I talk about that kind of stuff, so I tend to avoid those conversations, but more often than not, talking about it in a rigorous way is inspiring and helps me step toward greater clarity. With that ‘real writing’, I worry so much about what I’m trying to say that I hardly begin: thoughts can mature for years before they reach any kind of manifestation, and even then, they are unlikely to become ‘real writing’.
Here’s another observation: what makes me uncomfortable is talking about the blog, but talk to me about the stuff I’m writing about, and you got yourself a conversation! The blog is almost like having a chat with myself:
Me one ‘did you notice that thing?’
Me too ‘oh yeah, cool’
Me one ‘isn’t it amazing to be sentient?’
Me too ‘oh ya betcha, yeah’
Me one ‘writing is impossible and inevitable – I can’t do it and yet I can’t stop’
Me too ‘Get over it, you’re the only thing stopping yourself’
Well, I’m glad I cleared that one up / Time for a drink, that was too weird.