Knowing what a full on day is planned tomorrow, not being able to sleep now is totally frustrating. In part, I’m suffering with insomnia because I’m anxious, but the main reason is because I have once again upset my body chemistry with alcohol.
I’ve been thinking a lot about summing people up in words, having edited twenty one biogs and written one single friend profile in the last week. It’s a curious situation to be replaced by words in some way. Fortunately I’m too tired for this to become a rant, and the slow, quiet typing prevents my thoughts from gathering speed. I start to wonder what the highlights of my career have been so far, how I would phrase a potted biography, and whether my friends and family would agree with my assessment of my character, or think of me differently.
At low times like these, I would describe myself as immoderate and lacking self discipline, misguided in the cruelest sense of the word. I understand that with the harshest critic ‘at home’ I’ve reached a position of not really caring what other people think about me. Sadly, this probably means that my self perception is skewed toward the weakness, the fallibility and the inconsistencies in my character.
Perhaps it really is time to focus on collating and reviewing my creative work to improve my opinion of myself. After all, when I feel positive, I can achieve anything.