So it’s been a while since I’ve had the inclination to weblicise myself (I embarrassingly forgot the URL to access the backend). Looking at my last post, I could easily have been trying to be a better, shinier me, which may excuse my abysmal blogging habits. Sadly, I’ve been tackling the three headed monster, and thus have been consumed by the world with little time to spare for all those wandering thoughts that seemed to keep me company in 2008.
I had intended on ‘reviewing and assessing my blogging habits’ before ‘deciding on an appropriate tone and purpose’ for the blog in 2009. At this rate, there won’t be one, and besides which, no amount of routine, structure and planning can deny the fact that I am uncompromisingly human, and utterly emotional at that (sorry Alex).
It has been a dark winter (both physically and mentally), and I wish my tale of the three headed monster was as impressive as the tale of Gawain’s struggle with amorous attentions and a giant of a green knight (the New Perspectives production I saw in January was delightful). If only. My own struggle and darkness are not even worthy of the energy it would take to record them, but, as is my wont, I have unwittingly made a few observations.
I have a slightly self destructive tendency of withdrawing when things are tough. I find it incredibly difficult to ask for help, or even to admit that I am finding things a bit rough. I lose the ability to articulate problems, and instead resort to a complex rhythm of deep sighs and furrowed brows (yes, all three). I spend time alone, pacing and wringing my hands, and I sleep without resting, eat without being nourished and drink without quenching my thirst. All the while there are questions, lists, tasks, and the ever gnawing doubt…
But ‘hope remains whilst company is true’. There’s always Lord of the Rings to escape into.